The Onboarding Abyss
Starting a new job in tech is like being dropped into deep water with a snorkel and a Confluence link. Everyone assumes you can swim because your resume said you could.
The First Week
Your first PR will take three days for something that should take three hours. This is normal. You’re not slow — you’re learning a codebase that took years to build, and you’re doing it while also figuring out how to request PTO.
The Buddy System
The best onboarding programs pair you with someone who remembers what it was like to be new. Not the most senior engineer — the most empathetic one.
What Actually Helps
A working local development environment on day one
A low-stakes first ticket that touches real code
Permission to ask "dumb" questions (there are no dumb questions, only undocumented systems)
A Slack channel where it’s safe to say "I don’t understand"
Six Months Later
You’ll be the one helping the next new person. The abyss becomes familiar. Then it becomes home.
Every creature in the deep was once a newcomer to the pressure. Adaptation isn’t optional — it’s the job.
— JP, from the void.